He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
