Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
