i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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