Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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