I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
