I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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