Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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