You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
