yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i think im in europe. pls send help
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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