When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
