you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
