I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
