He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
