he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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