i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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