My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
