i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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