I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
