I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
