i would punch a child for taco bell
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
