You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
