Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
