I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
