So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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