i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
