Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
