i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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