i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
