he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
where are my eyebrows?
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