Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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