You're my little dorito
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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