just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
