So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
