I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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