omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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