im drinking this country out of the recession.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
