I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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