You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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