she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
