KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
