Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
