i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
