oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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