I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
