You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
