Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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