Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
