so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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