Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
