You smell like a Billy Joel song
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
